remember when we used to write those crazy “it’s finals and i can’t remember the last time i slept much less the last time i showered!” livejournal posts?
i would normally never recommend browsing through your own LJ archives (at least not if you were as angsty as i was!)
but it is good fun to go back and see all those caffeinated overwhelmed missives…

remember how finals was never JUST finals?
especially when it was end of the year finals – summer job questions, summer housing questions, moving out, parental questions/naggings, relationships on the verge of change…

once again a professor reminded our class of the latest research that shows that the personal responsibility/understanding consequences part of the brain doesn’t finish developing until age 21
my profs seem very pleased with this research… perhaps it confirms what they themselves have long suspected… or perhaps they like having a reason to cut their undergrads some slack

how well i remember those weeks – that “survival mode” feeling…
suddenly everything felt SO crucial, so intense – yes, even more than usual!
every meal and every break taken was a considered decision
every choice seemed so laden, so weighty… and showering seemed so inconsequential…

it’s almost comforting to know that i am still capable of that feeling
(without the necessity to pull all-nighters)
but i can still rile myself up that much
i can still engage in thinking and writing and studying and planning that much
it makes me feel so much more alive than usual

and oddly enough, what’s really kicked me into high gear this finals time is that my grandfather had a heart attack early this morning
the grandfather who we just visited in april, the east coast contingent

he’d been having an “unexplained” tingling and numbness in his hands for a couple months
the doctors apparently checked for everything
but somehow they missed three almost blocked arteries

my nana called 911 and told them not to use the siren (it’s a small town and she likes their neighbors…*shrug*)

he has a stent in one artery which means he has to lay flat on his back for 3 days (can you imagine how awful that must be?!)
in a couple weeks he will have angioplasty or surgery or something

so maybe my promise to never let them go into a nursing home will get tested sooner than i expected…

aside from all that worry and anxiety
aside from all the hassle and expense of getting registered at one of the city colleges for the summer (but i did get a U-Pass! only lasts til the end of July but hey, it’s still cool!)
and aside from massive final projects looming over me, coupled with a newfound A-coveting side i’d never noticed i had before

i have a super-intense job interview tomorrow
I will be giving a 15 minute presentation (with creative visual aids) to 3 charter school network administrators on the west side
the topic will be my comprehensive plan for what i’d do if i was taking over a class in mid-November after another teacher suddenly quit. This imaginary class has some issues like half of the students are reading a year below grade level, and disciplinary issues…
i have a good plan. i need to flesh it out – make posters and notecards, sample letters and so forth
which i will be doing tomorrow between 8am and 1pm, the interview is at 1:45pm!

so i guess if they like my plan then i’ll get a second interview!
and it could eventually lead to a REAL full-time teaching position starting this fall!

(on the other hand i might be moving out east before then…)

as i used to end my finals posts: just keep swimming, just keep swimming